If you have read the Celestine Prophecy, then you know that “Staying out of CONTROL DRAMAS” is essential to becoming more Conscious and being able to create the life you want.
Remember, THE CELESTINE PROPHECY reveals 9 of 12 truths about how the world “really” works and how humanity is destined to come into alignment with this Design.
What is a Control Drama?
Here is an example: You walk into a room and someone says something that is critical, and you immediately react defensively and say something critical in return. The other person responds with another \”put down\” and so on.
This situation, of course, can result in an argument or worse, depending on the circumstances. At the very least, everyone’s energy level and consciousness comes crashing down.
But, CP discusses another way of reacting. Rather than responding to criticisms by being critical, we can instead give positive, “loving” energy to the other person.
People who are critical do so because they are low in energy (and inner security) and seek ways to dominate others to feel better. BY GIVING ENERGYwillingly to them they feel less needly and can actually pop into Consciousness for the first time.
A Deeper Look At The Poor Me Control Drama
This is the most passive of all the “Control Dramas.” This style is designed to get the other person to feel sorry for them using this indifferent manipulation. This lures them in to connect or reconnect with them in sympathy, which shifts the energy of the jointly connected minds to their control.
Here is how it works: the drama is designed to make you feel like you did something wrong, and were not “there” for them in a time of need. They may say something such as, “You were not there for me when all these bad things were happening.” Or more boldly, “After all I have done for you, you let me down like this.” This suddenly throws you off balance and brings your attention and connection back to them, as you consider whether what they are saying is true. When the game fully works, you connect deeply with them, trying to make amends.
When this happens, they feel good but you, in turn, feel drained or weakened. This is because they have seized control of the joint mind the two of you have created, moving you into a kind of voluntary deferral to their dominance.
You know that this is a game because even if you think they might have a point and you try to comfort them, they never quite interact authentically. They always carry the air of one wronged. No matter how attentive you are, they want more, and they often repeat the game by naming some other guilt-inducing accusation at you.
How do you end the “Poor Me” game?
The solution is simple, though sometimes difficult. Dr. Eric Bern, in his famous book “The Games People Play,” advised a simple solution where you do not angrily fight back or leave, but instead help them break out of their game. You “name the game.” In fact, naming the game is exactly what you have to do to stop any of the other “Control Dramas” as well.
One person cannot play games successfully, unless the other person who is being manipulated plays along, to some extent. Usually, this happens when they are not honest about what they feel, or often using a counter game of their own. By naming the game, you bring the interaction back to authenticity by honestly revealing what you feel.
Plainly say something such as, “Sometimes I feel you try to make me feel guilty in order to control me.” What you are saying is the truth as you know it, and the truth always sets you, and the other person, free.
Now they might argue with you, or guilt trip you a little more, but stick to your guns. Say, “I am just telling you how I feel.” Pose it in that way because it might be possible you are wrong. They are reacting rational to the situation, and everything they say is true. If that is the case, then that truth will also emerge once the conversation becomes authentic.
Another principle to employ in breaking the game, while also moving the interaction into a more genuine state, is to not use what you are saying to seize the connection back under your dominance. In fact, make sure that you speak to them with the assumption that they are rising into their own Divine Connection. In this way, they will be more likely to feel a greater increase in energy and will be less dependent on yours. Lastly, keep the conversation honest by sharing your own “Control Drama” tendencies with them.
A Deeper Look At The Aloof Control Drama
The Aloof “Control Drama” is less passive than the Poor Me Control Drama, yet still tries to lure you into connection by acting distant and unreadable. They want you to connect with them, but they only partially connect themselves, while withholding information.
Acting this way leads you into the pursuit of more knowledge about whom they are and what they are doing. When you do investigate and engage more of a connection, they respond with obscure facts released with a certain air of mystification. They also might imply that they know secrets no one else knows, and even that these secrets reveal something that the pursuing person desperately needs to know. This pushes you to further your inquiries.
Their effort is to get your attention solely on them and for you to subconsciously allow them to have control of the relationship. Thus giving them the uplifting energy of your connection. The victim of this tactic, in turn, feels depleted.
Some of the interactions with an Aloof person can be quite amusing. They are continually withdrawn, as the victim questions and stresses to get the Aloof to open up. One might ask, “What did you do last night,” and only receive a brief, cryptic answer. They might say, “I had a meeting with someone and came home late,” giving no details. Asking a follow-up question yields an equally distant reply.
How can you tell whether the person you are interacting with is playing the Aloof game or just doesn’t want to open up to you? Give up, walk off briefly, or just be silent. The Aloof person, who is actively pursuing the energy of the joint mind, will want to keep your connection. They will tend to give just a little more info to keep you interested, something such as, “It was a very successful meeting actually.” When you inquire more about that, they will seize control and go vague again.
What to do to break the Aloof game? Again, express precisely how you feel about this interaction. Say something such as, “Every time I try to get to know you or really share your life, I feel like I can never get a straight answer.” In this way, you have “named the game.” Just make sure you remain authentic to yourself, and don’t slip into your own “Control Drama” such as “the Interrogator,” which is the natural partner game to the Aloof.
A Deeper Look At The Interrogator Control Drama
More aggressive personality is the Interrogator “Control Drama.” You know when you run into this style of manipulation because you suddenly feel criticized, and begin to monitor your actions so that you feel less vulnerable. Usually, the person playing such a game has learned to put someone down (sometimes under the disguise of being helpful) to seize control of the relationship. Subtle criticizing forces the other person to lose confidence, and begin to look at themselves through the eyes of the Interrogator, and so, giving them power and energy.
Manipulative comments by an Interrogator could be about appearance: “Don’t you feel a bit under-dressed at this occasion.” Or behavior: “I can’t believe you said that.” Or intelligence: “You really aren’t smart enough to compete in that job.” It could be any manner of criticism. Ultimately, it is all about throwing the other person off balance so they will defer leadership in the relationship to the Interrogator.
Again, this moves all the energy of the larger joined mind of the two, and all the good feelings and security it produces, into the consciousness of the perpetrator. To the victim, it feels like an immediate diminishment and a loss of well-being. How do you transcend this Interrogator game and bring the sharing of the joined mind into balance?
Do not shout, or run away. Stay connected and do not use another “Control Drama.” Name the game by authentically expressing exactly how you are feeling, “Every time I’m around you, I feel criticized.” This will immediately collapse the manipulation as the Interrogator has to move toward authenticity and deal with your feelings.
The first response you will probably hear is that you are wrong. Hold fast to your beliefs, and maintain your new-found strength. The goal here, as before, is to not become an Interrogator or an Aloof yourself, nor to try moving all the energy over to yourself in order to deflate the person.
Even if the Interrogator never admits the game, your remark will stay with the person. And if others follow your example and expose the manipulation at other times, the person will, hopefully, get it then. If after discussing the situation openly, you find you were wrong, perhaps too sensitive, or the comments from the other were not a game at all but were actually meant to be helpful, then you have done what was necessary to bring your relationship into authentic truth and growth.
A Deeper Look At The Intimidator Control Drama
The Intimidator is the most aggressive type of “Control Drama” where the user tries to scare you into deferring to their control in the relationship. Thus, this is the most dangerous of manipulation devices since some Intimidator’s resort to violence to ensure that the game works.
You know when you are relating to an Intimidator when you sense an air of aggression in another’s demeanor and attitude. This person has usually grown up in an environment where he could not gain energy in his early childhood in any other way.
As with the other games, one should be as honest as possible with the Intimidator, and find subtle ways to “name the game.” Wise judgment and care for your safety should be used. Sometimes an Intimidator will be found in a relationship with a Poor Me, who has learned to argue back only passively by guilt tripping or pleading. This is often the core dynamic, which makes people stay in relationships that are verbally abusive or violent. In these cases, leaving the relationship and seeking shelter somewhere else may be the only option.
Also, we are advised not just to send energy, but to perform another act at the same time: Tell them in a kind way EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING—that you are feeling criticized, dominated, or being made to feel guilty in the conversation.
Here we are taking the advice of “INTERACTIONAL SCIENCE” which is a key finding of the Human Potential Movement. We are “NAMING THE GAME.” Naming the game collapses the attempt to dominate and brings the higher truth of what’s going on in the conversation to the front, which makes the conversation move into \”authenticity.”
THE KEY HERE IS NOT TO DEFEND YOURSELF, EVER!!
If the person denies what’s going on or makes accusations, don’t argue. Just keep repeating how you feel and giving Energy to them. And, remember that when you image LOVING energy flowing from yourself into the other person, it comes through you first. So, you STAY STRONGER in the interaction.
BUT, even if the person ends the conversation mad or walks away, we have to be ok with that. At least you have used your new “Ability” to remain Authentic and Conscious, and also kept yourself from being dominated and your energy from being lowered. YET, all the while, you have been doing your best to help the other person become more Conscious.
Source: Celestine Prophecy by James Redfifeld